No I Am Not In The Bathroom

Before I start typing this story and for the sake of brain not jumping out of my head and running to a safer place I must say that you will become dumber for reading this, if you feel brave then godspeed...

Everyday I am constantly surprised by the lack of common sense that my suite mates possess. But, today might have been the topper.

Let me just toss out a hypothetical situation. Let's just say there is a person Deron who is in the bathing about to take a shower and has music playing inside of the bathroom. Then he hears a knock on the door. It is his suite mate hmm let's say Rony, and Rony asks "Hey man you in da bathroom?" To which Deron replies, "Well yeah." And then there is a pause until Rony knocks again and asks, "Eh yo is someone in da bathroom?" To which I... I mean Deron, yeah Deron sarcastically replied, "No, nobody is in here."

Then I heard the door open and Rony walked it and he was surprised to see another human being in the bathroom.

Now, if you are the kind of person who is knocking on a bathroom door and hear a voice on the other side who replies twice and it does not connect that, "Hey there might be a person in there." That is one thing, but if you are the kind of person who hears another person on the other side of the door say, "No, nobody is in here." and you go, "Phew, because I really had to go to the bathroom." And you open the door and are legitimately SHOCKED to see another person on the other side of the door. That is a whole different can of beans.

The day I begin to think like that I am probably going to have to pull a R.P. McMurphy and check myself into an insane asylum where I will become bitter rivals with Louise Fletcher circa 1975. (If you are not picking up on the Cuckoo's Nest references I do not really know how more clearer I can be.)

But that is seriously what it would boil down to. I would go crazy. There would be no telling what I would do. I could become a bathroom door knocking bandit. Entering only when I hear a voice on the other side declaring occupancy.

But then it could be opposite day. And that is the only logical argument that I can make for Rony.

So that would mean, "Yes, indeed I am currently in the bathroom." Actually means, "No, I am not in the bathroom."

Mom Is Afraid Of Chuwbaka

When I was having dinner with my roommate Will last night, we got on the topic of text messaging. Or at least my take on it.

I tried to convey my emotions towards texting by saying, "Is it just me or is it every time I text somebody and I have to type out a more that three character response, I often ask myself, 'Why am I typing this much?' And then get really aggravated that I have yet to finish my thought and then I go over the character allotment and then I have to consolidate the text to a more concise statement that could have happened in the first place."

Yeah, do not try to read that over your eyes will just hurt and your I.Q. will drop to George Bush-ian levels.

That is one self-inflicted grip I have with texting. What is the other you ask? Well, that is where the good 'ol fashioned "Where do you want me to take this conversation" aspect comes in.

Before I continue this saga of sorts, I must toss out a disclaimer. Two actually.

1.) I love my family dearly.
2.) They often tend to say some pretty funny/odd/really really unnecessary things.

Case and point a text from my mom yesterday and my brother today.

The text yesterday from my mom read, "Meijer has a pharmacy drive-thru... Who knew?"

Now, you may be thinking who cares? Exactly.

I texted her back, "Why would they build a tunnel in their pharmaceutical department.. Seems dangerous."

And then she texted back, "Sorry that was for Andrew."

I tried thinking about that for awhile and my head genuinely started to hurt.

Now, getting one of those from my mother I have to admit is not shocking. But to get one from my brother actually made want to get up and make sure the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse were not outside.

His gem came from an actually texting conversation we were having over the Red Wings going after Ty Conklin.

His response to my initial text, "Not a bad idea. Mom is terrified of Chuwbaka."

Normal men would have crumbled over such an astonishing conversation killer. But I boldly and mistakingly asked the question that no mortal man lived to tell the story of asking... Why? And I have to admit right after I sent it I mentally said, "No, why did I do that."

His reply, "Went to a toy and comic show at a VFW and someone dressed up as him and walking around making noises! Mom was scared shitless!!"

I could not logically text back, as I legitimately did not know what to say.

As a quasi semi-professional journalist I did however appreciate the quote my brother gave me. Because, "Mom is terrified of Chuwbaka." Is a much better post title than, "Where do you want me to take this conversation?"

Even though that is how I feel when I get those texts.

First Post

You know I am lazy.

I really feel like I am having a Charlie Sheen moment asking myself, "Why I am here?" Except you could replace the hookers and coke with college boredom and junk food.

Nonetheless I am here with the empty promise of keeping up a blog of what seem to be my random/awkward/funny daily occurrences with friends while I am at college.

And because Kanye has a strangle-hold on the Twitter game.

So stay tuned I guess, and again I can not stress the fact that this blog will be less up-kept that Joaquin Phoenix's beard when he did that rap thing. But, when I do post expect random that is a guaran-sheed. I am not guaranteeing funny though, because whenever someone claims that something is funny nine times out of ten it is not. And that tenth time is the movie Bruno... right Frank?

It has been about two years and you still owe 9.75.

Douche.