Look, if you are going to be a Tiger's fan now, you should at least get a crash course in how to be a Tigers fan.
Do not try to hide now.
You are very easy to spot.
You were the person wearing the Ben Wallace afro in 2004. Who had a signed spelt: "FEAR THE FROWW!!". True story, I saw a guy with that sign. You were also the person in 2006 who bought a Joel Zumaya jersey. You were the person who made the Tigers finish last in 2008. You were the person in 2011 who defended Jimmy Howard and called him "The greatest goalie ever".
Again, you are very easy to spot.
So, let me help you not get challenged to a duel by an actual fan, by cracking a small egg of knowledge for you the Tiger fan who was a Tiger fan in 2008 because of Miguel Cabrera, left half-way in 2008 because they were in last place, and then came back two days ago because, hey-ho-whatta-ya-know the Tigers are back in the playoffs again.
Guess what.
They did this five years... to the Yankees. Well, at least five years ago they were about to close it out at home.
Yes, that was a subtle jab at the Tigers for that 10-1 display in game four.
But, after tonight, that point is moot.
If you want to be a fan DO NOT:
- Post exaggeratory statii on Facebook. Example: "Oh my god. Don Kelly is like the greatest player ever! :)". Even with his home-run tonight, Tiger fans will still look at you dead in the eye and say, "No. Dear god, no".
- Buy apparel of players on a hot-streak. Everytime I see people with Boesch, Dirks (Yes, I saw a guy with an Andy Dirks jersey T-shirt today. Could not tell if I was more surprised in the person for buying one, or for Majestic for even making them.), and or Avila jersey I want to troll them. BUT AARON, AVILA IS AN ALL-STAR CATCHER!! Yeah, just to make sure we are on the same page, Avila existed last year too. And last year he could not even beat out Gerald Laird for the starting catcher position. So, shut up.
- Post statii negating all accomplishments the Tigers made if they get knocked out. Example: "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. The Tigers suck. Valverde sucks. Way to go!!!!!!!!!!!" I really do not want to waste energy describing my view on this.
- Tell me that their pitching totally sucks. Only Brad Penny. Do the names Matt Perisho, Mark Redmond, Jeff Weaver and or Dave Milicki ring a bell? Well, for the bandwagon fan probably not. But, for a person who knew the Tigers of the '90s or early '00s just had 'Nam flashbacks, because they thought they never had to see those names again.
- Do not tell me that Jose Valverde is the most entertaing pitcher in Tigers history. Jose Lima. Rest in peace, you crazy m'fer.
- Do not say that Magglio is worthless. Would you rather have Robert Fick in right field. Sorry for another 'Nam flashback.
I know there are more things. But, I am getting too angry thinking about them.
But, let me say this:
Please do not ruin this for us. For the love of Allah, please do not ruin this for us.
Ten years ago are deadline deals involved trading away Jose Macias to Montreal for Chris Truby and three used baseballs.
Now we can actually be proud of the Tigers. Just give us this moment. You had 2008 and you ruined it. All of it.
So, let us real Tiger fans rejoice in our second trip to the ALCS in six seasons. For us Tiger fans this is a big-deal. If you told me in 2002 that the Tigers would be in the ALCS twice over the next ten years, I would have thought you were stupid.
Or high.
Or stupid high.
And for some of your parents who may be saying that the Tigers of this year were nothing compared to those of 1984 or 1968. Well, they are right.
But, that is a whole different lesson for a different day.
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