If You Don't Have An iPhone...

Just something I have to get of my chest on this beautiful Michigan morn...

So by now you have probably seen Apple's new commercial for the iPhone. And apparently if you do not have an iPhone, then well, you just do not have an iPhone.

Well, yeah.

If you do not have a creative marketing campaign, then well, you just do not have a creative marketing campaign.

This is a step up though from the outrageously annoying piano loop of an iPad commercial. Remember that? Good lord.

You would think that a company that pretty much rules the world could have more creative commercials/tag-lines.

Their products are virtually a mechanical pocket knife. You just can not have an iPod that plays music. That is so 2002. You have to have an iPod that can play movies that kill your battery, have apps and games, and internet, and Youtube, and weather updates, a portable bathroom, a companion, a friend who is all ears, a pillow if you are camping in a forest, a race car, and the solution to the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Apple loves to make all of their products completely unnecessary. Who honestly needs a phone to be a baby robot?

A phone is a phone is a phone. Not a portable computer.

Which leads me to my next point...

Robot mutation/invasion/conquering the human race.

Now we made this bed. Well, actually Apple did.

That one guy who while in the brainstorming meeting amongst the Apple brass suggested that maybe the thing that a phone, A PHONE was missing was the fact that it was not also an electric razor.

Call me a senile old-man, but all of this technology is getting ridiculous.

We can not just settle for what we have, everything has to be bigger, better, faster, stronger.

And when the robots we demanded rebel against us and enslave us, we will have no one to blame except ourselves. Especially for that one time in 2006 when we said, "Hey you know that device that was made to hold and play my MUSICAL catalog. Yeah, I want it to harvest my corn crop for me now... And be able to play Little Fockers while it harvests my crops."

Plus, who knows how long Will Smith will be able to save us from robotic invasion. What does that have do with anything? Well, pretty much any robotic rebellion movie involved Big Willie as the robot warrior so to speak. This is a similar complex to the apocalypse and Bruce Willis. If an asteroid is going to crash into the Earth, and NASA can not depend on Bruce to assemble a team of misfit oil-drillers. We are screwed into a board.

So yeah Apple, I do not have iPhone, therefore well, I just do not have an iPhone.

I also have an extra 400 dollars in my pocket per month.

And a phone that is a phone.

Winning.