Pop Quiz: What Day Is Today?
A.) Mardi Gras
B.) Fat Tuesday
C.) James Van Der Beek's Birthday
D.) All of the Above
Correct Answer: E. Paczki Day.
Now, if you live in the Metro Detroit Area. Nix that, if you live in Michigan the only place to get your Paczki fix is in Hamtramck. Where there are a slew, a smorgasbord, a cornucopia, a plethora of good old fashioned Polish bakeries.
And those aforementioned bakeries become jammed packed on Paczki Day. Lines and crowds of people go up, down, and around Jos Campus. News stations come to report on it, and passer-bys stare in amazement.
You can never really know what Paczki Day is like until you go to Hamtramck and experience it for yourself, and finally this year (thanks to my brother) I did.
We arrived around 11:30 in the morning. Because my brother thought we would not have to wait, yeah and LeBron thought he would not have to wait for a title in South Beach.
Needless to say, we took our talents to Hamtramck and we waited. Outside. For about an hour and some change. In the cold. The upside? The Polka music of course.
There is a bar kiddy corner to New Palace Bakery called the the Whiskey Jar. They had their own little Paczki Day tent set up and they had the Polka a blaring. This helped pass the hour that we did not have to wait of course. I do have to say however, they blended the Chicken Dance with Blister In the Sun by the Violent Femmes. I was impressed. And wanted an accordion.
There was a Local 4 News Van parked outside the bakery. I forget the name of the news reporter they had, but she had a bit of a 'tude. She was all offended that people were hitting on her and the such. Now, if you are in Hamtramck and are shocked and or offended that middle aged Polish men and 80+ year old Polish women are creeping on you. You just have never been to Hamtramck. Then she committed a cardinal sin.
She pulled a cutsy in line.
Oh no, not up in here. She completely blew passed the hundreds of people in line and grabbed some Paczkis and pretty much laughed about it. The thunder was about to be brought, but I cooled my jets because we were about to enter the Bakery after waiting for an hour (and losing after losing sensation in my legs/feet)(twice) and pick up our Paczki and leave.
Wrongamundo. There were lines, and then those lines mated. And birthed three other lines. That eventually just turn into 80 people crammed into an area the size of Shaq's wing-span. Yet, everyone was able to join in unison when it got too cold. So like a Paczki crazed chorus they shouted, "Close the door!"
While apart of the amoebic line, we waited for another hour and a half. My brother was in one line, and I was in another. Performing the patented, "Hey, get in that line and whoever gets their first orders the stuff." That works fine and well until the other person (my brother) is completely convinced that his line will be the first to be able to get Paczkis. Now the other person (me) was prepared to go down with the Titanic that was my line, and I was not afraid to jump ship.
But peer pressure is the best pressure, and I went into to his line. Sure as Sandusky, the artist formerly known as my line jettisoned. Whoa, did not see that one coming. Look, if you are in a line, stick with it. As soon as you leave that line it will go through quick than Dom Deluise in a buffet line.
Nevertheless, I got my Paczki. And after eating two of them I know have gained thirty two metric tons and have enough carbs in me to run the Boston Marathon then run to the New York Marathon the run from the New York Marathon to El Salvador. The logistics seem a tad exaggerated sure, but I mean it.
Or you could avoid the timely and frigid wait. Hell, you could of avoided all of this if you pre-ordered your Paczki.
But then you would be a cheater.
Happy Paczki Day Everyone! And as my grandpa would say in a time like this...
"Sto lat!"
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