What Is Philosophy?

College gets ya thinking folks. Not like the good thinking though. More like the alright I have three dollars I could buy a two-liter and a bag of chips OR I could buy an Arizona Iced-Tea and two bags of chips. And you find yourself just staring at all of the pop at the convenience store like Matt Damon looked at a math problem in Goodwill Hunting.

Combine that with a Philosophy class.

At 8:30. In the morning.

And together you get the operational mind of an 87-year old senile man who thinks he was in the "Big War" but never really was. Yet, he always tells people he was. Who yells at kids to get off his lawn, while simultaneously watching his programs.

Not a good combination to say the least, but that is the hand I was dealt this semester. And I have to play it. At least my room mate, Will is in the class as well.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays we awake at the early-bird hour of 7 in the morning. And we normally actually get out of bed at 7:45ish. That is, if we even slept. Sleep if more of an option that it is a necessity. You may say, "Well that is unhealthy!" Well, yeah.

We go to the cafeteria and have caffeine for breakfast.

(Side note: Never drink black coffee, the green tea, the Mountatin Dew. The left half of your body goes numb, and you right hand becomes possessed by Satan.)

Now, my Philosophy professor is a nice guy. He tries to engage the class he poses great questions.

Nobody in my class answers them though.

Except for five people. My friend David (who sits in front of Will and I) This girl behind us whos name I should know by now, but I don't because she contradicts herself and often talks about Jesus too much. This guy who ironically is like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting because he thinks he is the cat pajamas, the proverbial bees-knees. The ever formidable "I know big words, man and I am not afraid to use them in random sentences to make you think that I think I know what I am talking about, so hah... antidisestablishmentarianism." "hipster" Who sits in the back sips on his Starbucks and waits for someone to get it an intellectual tift with. And then there is Will and I.

Here is a typical class disscussion:

Professor: So class you had to read, What is it like to be a bat. So, the author asks a really good question... what is it like to be a bat?

(Jesus girl raises hand)

Jesus girl: Well, I certaintly would not want to be a bat.

(Matt Damon via Good Will Hunting makes his snarky remark will hipsterly still sipping on his Starbucks)

Cats-PJ's guy: You know I think this is talking about the self pontithicating nature of substandard society dwellers.

(Me sitting at the desk taking a deep breath and containing the anger of Mike Tyson on a Wednesday)

Will: Well, no this is clearly not about that... It is probably about something bigger.

Professor: I like that thought.

(I raise my hand)

Me: Now, I think this is about bats.

(Jesus Girl raises her hand to contradict herself)

Jesus Warrior: You know, I would like to be a bat.

(Class looks at eachother wondering how someone could be so dumb)

Ribble rabble ensues for another 30 minutes.

Class ends with the professor saying.

"Well, I guess we do not know what it is to be__________. Or Well, we don't really know what _____ is."

Making the last hour of my life a waste.

It is this kind of stuff that now makes me angry when the sun is too bright or some one interrupts my nap. My mind has gone from a promising brain that could have been a sponge soaking up knowledge. But, now it is just a thing underneath my skull filled with the anger of an old man who just found out Good Times was cancelled thirty years ago.

Which makes me pose this philosophical question, What is anger?

Well, I guess we don't know what anger really is.

And you can trust me on that.

Because I take philosophy.