This Just Happened... Last Month

(This was meant to be posted a month ago and or last Monday)

Michael, Will, and I left at 3:13 am to go to Denny's. Apparently we forgot that it was a reverse New Orleans outside (too soon?) We sly-fully navigated through Curtis Hall to get to the J-2 parking lot, we did so to squeeze every last bit of warmth we could before being greeted by snow, cold, some more cold, and some more snow... Did I mention it was cold and there was snow? Because there was.

As we were walking through J-2 like modern Eskimos we were commenting on how much it sucked for the cars that were boxed in by snow. Karma.

Now, we figured Mike has a truck. Mike has four-wheel drive. Mike can get out. And indeed Mike did still have a truck that still had four-wheel drive. But he could not get out. Trapped like a prisoner in Alcatraz. We did however come equipped with a the most powerful weapon to have when combating snow... A broom. But now just any broom, a yellow one.

To say that operation "Broom of Doom" was a failure is kind of steep, but to say it was a successful venture is even steeper. It did how ever make a smashing snow javalon and ice pencil that helped assist me in writing "Please plow the snow, Thank you."

While I was making snow art, Mike was still trying to back out. His truck was making noises that whales only make during mating season, and he was emitting enough fumes to make Al Gore cry. I began instructing him to, "Turn the wheel... no not that way... The other way... No now you are just going backwards." I felt like a father teaching his son how to drive. All the while I would look back at Will, and he would encouragely say, "Yeah, we're gonna die."

It took us about 45 minutes and 56 failed attempts at backing out for our college minds to merge into one. At that moment we all thought of the one singular thing that could get us out of this tift. A shovel. And who has shovels? 7-11. And where is 7-11? Bout a mile away. How are we going to get there? Well, obviously by foot. Because karma is a female dog.

As we aimlessly walked across campus we saw other people walked through the snow in below freezing temperatures. And all I could to do was think to myself, "What kind of idiots would be walking outside at 3 am?" Irony is a female dog as well.

So there we were on Pierce road, making our way to 7-11. It felt like we were walking in place. The stop-light at the end of the road went from an ending point into a heckler taunting us saying, "You can't get me." Finally we got there.

No shovels.

But there was plenty of warmth... and hot cocoa. So I mean f shovels right. Not dying of hypothermia is much more important.

Now this is the point in the story where if this was a play I would do a side bar to consulte the audience.

So sidebar...

Karma is a bitch.

Alright back to the story. But, still rolling with the karma being a bitch idea. We apparently did not take into consideration that in order to get back we had to walk. The same exact way we got there.

As we were walking in near absolute zero temperatures. (Okay that was an exaggeration) My beard froze. Again, what is with all this vindictive karma?

On our walk though I did have to make the smart ass comment of. "Man this woul have been a lot easier if you drove Mike."

And he got pissed at that comment while he was eating a Turkey and Cheese sandwich from 7-11 that froze in 6 minutes. (Estimate) That was divine intervention my friend.

Then we made it back to the dorm safe and sound and at 5:30 a.m.

That is how you spend a snow day.